lindajanek's blog

It's a New Year

2010-01-04T07:04:00.003-05:00

Should I begin blogging again? That is the question.

Ron and I had a great time in D.C. and an even better time with all the kids in over Christmas. I just wish I had a bigger house! I've always said I wish I had a mansion with wings all the way around so that we could all have our own place to live, but we could gather in the middle for meals, celebrations and to hang out.

I have always pictured myself staying at home, being there for the grandchildren, taking them to the beach, the amusement park, going to their soccer and baseball games, keeping them when they had breaks from school. I hope I will get to do that some day, but for now, I need to work full time and help everyone through college.

I'm fortunate to have a job and one that I like, for that matter! I will be back to work tomorrow! So glad I took a vacation day today! I need a little time to recoup after the busy holidays and the trip to D.C.! Now, to get the house back in order!

ron and his kids at cedar point

2008-11-16T07:57:00.000-05:00

jaden, the incredible hulk

2008-11-16T07:55:00.001-05:00

parker - the cutest giraffe, ever

2008-11-16T07:55:00.000-05:00

parker - always smiling!

2008-11-16T07:53:00.002-05:00

parker

2008-11-16T07:52:00.000-05:00

she has changed a lot since this was taken--but i just think it is the cutest thing, ever.

jaden

2008-11-16T07:51:00.000-05:00

isn't he cute?!

eli p-laying in the leaves

2008-11-16T07:49:00.000-05:00

a favorite shot of eli

2008-11-16T07:48:00.000-05:00

eli the banana

2008-11-16T07:47:00.000-05:00

eli, jaden, parker

2008-11-16T07:44:00.001-05:00

i need to post some new pictures--it has been quite a while! Here are my three beautiful grandchildren!

parker elizabeth price

2008-03-29T08:56:00.000-04:00

here's my little darling in her first easter dress!

rachel gave kevin this haircut

2008-03-29T08:47:00.000-04:00

i think she did a great job....and, i might get in trouble for posting this...

Mar 06 2008 - VID00012

2008-03-12T19:18:00.001-04:00

Parker Elizabeth

2008-03-07T06:22:00.001-05:00

In 2m 27s

Click here to Play

Mar 04 2008 - VID00011

2008-03-04T19:21:00.001-05:00

I now have a granddaughter, Parker Elizabeth to go with big brother, Jaden Catcher!

does God like women?

2007-10-25T06:12:00.000-04:00

sometimes, reading the Bible makes you wonder about that--all those verses about submission and all--but, the illustrious Suzanne Price spoke to our women last weekend on the topic and assured us that He does. God does like women.

Suz also asked, "did Paul like women?" and, "do we like women?" interesting questions, to be sure!

i'm going to try to recap Suzanne's message to us over the next few days. stay tuned!

stealth readers present yourselves!

2007-10-06T07:02:00.000-04:00

i don't have the computer savvy to know how to add all those things to my blog that let me know how many people have visited my blog or where the readers are from.

i wish i knew who is lurking out there! it would be nice to know who is reading the Knable family saga here in green, ohio.

say 'hey' if you read this!

engaged

2007-09-25T12:48:00.003-04:00

One week ago today, I said ‘yes’ to Ron. I told him I would marry him. I’ve had an assortment of reactions from people—from whooping, to wanting to know all the details, to telling me I should just live with him and not get married, to questioning if it’s too soon (after Dennis’ death), to hearty congratulations.

When you’ve had a good marriage that lasted until ‘death do us part’ it is the strangest thing to think about getting married again.

I have labored over this, sought counsel, examined myself (am I ready?), and tried to be sensitive to every concern I’ve heard or sensed (is this going to be okay for my kids?)

I knew that I would rather share my life with someone than go it alone. My grief counselor reminded me that that is the way that God made us. He’s the one who said it is not good for man to be alone. My friend Sue said, “Dennis is gone, but you are alive and should go on living.” And, she encouraged me to be proactive in my living.

Ron first captured me when he went out and bought my favorite book, Blue Like Jazz, read it and loved it, and began using it to teach the young adult class at his church. We spent our first several dates preparing lessons with PowerPoint slides for the class. And, Ron and I share a very similar Baptist background, but have some Reformed leanings. He listens to White Horse Inn, and loves R.C. Sproul, C.S. Lewis, etc.

I began to see that Ron is a very sincere, sensitive and caring man. I love the way that he loves the Lord and wants to honor God with his life out of gratitude for God’s grace toward him. I love the way that he so passionately loves his kids. I love the way that he honors and respects his pastor and loves his church family. I loved it when, on the second anniversary of Dennis’s death, while I was experiencing such conflicted emotions, he understood and didn’t shy away. I love it that he felt compelled to tell me some difficult things about his life, just so I wouldn’t have any wrong impressions. I love the way that he took to my family, and cares about all the details of all of their lives. I love the fact that he just wants to spend time with me, and that he makes me laugh.

Six months ago, after we had known each other for a few months, Ron told me he wanted to talk to my pastor to discuss his intentions with me. He told Pastor Mike that he planned to court me for six months to give us time to get to know each other, and then we would make a decision about the future. Six months to the day, Ron asked me to be his wife.

which theologian am i?

2007-08-31T22:15:00.000-04:00

You scored as John Calvin, Much of what is now called Calvinism had more to do with his followers than Calvin himself, and so you may or may not be committed to TULIP, though God's sovereignty is all important.

John Calvin

93%

Anselm

93%

Martin Luther

73%

Karl Barth

73%

Jonathan Edwards

67%

Friedrich Schleiermacher

60%

Paul Tillich

33%

Augustine

Jürgen Moltmann

Charles Finney

Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

great quotes from two brilliant minds

2007-08-30T10:10:00.000-04:00

i got a kick out of what noel heikkinen said in a post the other day:

Say what you want about Jon Stewart, he knows how to ask the right questions through my love languages: sarcasm and mockery.

and i just loved this quote from ravi zacharias:

As much as one would seek to be irenic and conciliatory on this sad prejudice, it is fatuous to deny that in academia, and even more so in the media, the person in ministry today is often portrayed with ridicule or bias.

september

2007-08-25T06:42:00.000-04:00

normally, at this time of year, i am busy getting ready for school--for teaching homeschooling. i have finally worked myself out of a job--Kevin will be going to Green High School, starting August 28. having started with Dan in 1984, i can say i am ready to be done! i look forward to being just 'mom.'

i LOVED my time with my kids. i love it that i had all that extra time to mold them, teach them, read to them, work and play with them. it was an amazing privilege to have been able to do that. i'm so grateful for the support and encouragement that Dennis gave to me, especially on those days when i doubted whether keeping the kids home was a good idea. we were fortunate, too, that our extended family was always supportive and that we had a wonderful network of homeschooling friends who helped make the journey sweet.

i think that our goal was accomplished. we wanted to rear children of faith, with strong character and the ability to withstand peer pressure, able to think creatively and independently, and to be leaders, rather than followers.

i am extremely pleased and proud of my kids. i'm sure that, had they gone to school like everyone else, they would have been fine, but the love we share and the commitment to one another and to our Lord, i think, is, in part, because of the experiences we had at home, together.

so, i will probably begin working full-time at CSC sometime in September. i'm not thrilled about that, but it will be okay. it's not my dream job, but i am grateful to the company for the grace they have extended to me over the years, and i'm glad that i have a job!!

so, last night i realized i was not experiencing the annual August approach avoidance anxiety syndrome i've had for the past 20-some years....just a little anxiety on Kevin's behalf as he starts his new venture into public school.

i know that he wants to have a strong christian influence on his peers. so, pray for him!

baby

2007-08-24T22:00:00.001-04:00

I'm going to try posting this again!

i'm going to be grandma again!

2007-07-13T10:29:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sL4GnT3wvo

my inner european is french

2007-07-06T21:44:00.000-04:00

Your Inner European is French! Smart and sophisticated.
You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.Your Inner European is French!

Who's Your Inner European?

blue like jazz, the movie

2007-06-15T21:19:00.000-04:00

remember a while back when i wrote that blue like jazz was being made into a movie? seems to be true. check out the title link written by donald miller!

may posting

2007-05-31T06:15:00.000-04:00

i'm trying to post more regularly and see that i haven't written since april....so here's my may posting. that's a little under the wire, isn't it?!

i thought i'd recommend a few books that i've read (or started) recently!

i'm not sure what God might be preparing me for--but a couple of the books i've read deal with living biblically as a christian---like selling everything you own and going to live amongst the lepers...which, as you can well imagine, is very convicting to an american materialist. i'd love to say i'm not materialistic, but i know that just isn't true.

so, here's a summer reading list:

Decision Making and the Will of God by Gary Friessen
The Selfless Way of Christ - Downward Mobility and the Spiritual Life by Henri Nouwen
The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
This Beautiful Mess by Rick McKinley
Finding God in Unexpected Places by Phillip Yancey
Prayer - Does it Make Any Difference? by Phillip Yancey
The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
The Enemy Within by Kris Lundgaard
Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
Jesus in the Margins by Rick McKinley
Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller (hah! had to slip that one in!)

i'd love it if you happen read any of these, or have already read them, to get together here or over coffee to talk about them!

i will NOT wait until June 30 to post again!!

apostrophe catastrophe

2007-04-14T15:42:00.000-04:00

i wont to git me sum of them mirrow's.

this is what i was trying to say in my last post - jill caratini

2007-04-13T07:35:00.001-04:00

04/13/07
Like Him We Rise
Jill Carattini

Several years ago I attended an Easter morning service that has been indelibly etched in my mind ever since. It was an outdoor service hosted by a church I had never before attended. The morning was gray and still, the sun still buried in shadow as I walked toward a crowd of unknown faces. The quiet rain seemed to speak both naturally and figuratively of God's provision, the assurance of his plans for creation, the tender cost of his beloved Son. That creation seemed to weep as we celebrated the event that split history and unites strangers only added to the reality that we were standing in a cemetery. Surrounded by silent stones, each one marking a life put to rest, with the sting of my father's death still fresh in my mind, we sang:

Lives again our glorious King,
Where, O death, is now thy sting?
Once He died our souls to save,
Where thy victory, O grave?
Soar we now where Christ hath led,
Following our exalted Head,
Made like Him, like Him we rise,
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies.

It is not unfair to say that Resurrection Sunday meant for me something wholly different that year. It was the celebrated reminder that it had always been: that Jesus is our exalted King, that he is alive and seated at the right hand of the Father. But it was more. I see now that I came to that service more like the disciples who gathered after Jesus's death than I ever had before. I came knowing the blow of defeat and the finality of silence, having seen death steal away the last word. In the rain that morning, I knew more of what it meant that Christ was dead. And in that sorrow, I discovered what it means that Christ is alive.

It was grief that marked the difference between celebrating Christ's resurrection in a vacuum and experiencing the hope of knowing that we live our lives beneath the one in whom death did not get the final word.

Author Walter Wangerin Jr. once wrote, "The difference between shallow happiness and a deep, sustaining joy is sorrow. Happiness lives where sorrow is not. When sorrow arrives, happiness dies. It can't stand pain. Joy, on the other hand, rises from sorrow and therefore can withstand all grief. Joy, by the grace of God, is the transfiguration of suffering into endurance, and of endurance into character, and of character into hope--and the hope that has become our joy does not (as happiness must for those who depend upon it) disappoint us."

As the disciples experienced the joy of Christ's resurrection through the sting of grief, so, I believe, do we. Their suffering through Jesus's death made their experience of his resurrection a joy that emphatically marked the remainder of their days. May it mark ours also. For in our own woundedness we find an avenue in which to find the one that was wounded for our transgressions.

When Thomas proclaimed to the risen Jesus, "My Lord and my God!" it was the first time any of the disciples formally addressed Jesus as God. Significantly, it was a declaration made in response to Jesus's scars. "Put your hand in my side," Jesus told Thomas. Similarly, when he first appeared to the disciples who were grieving behind locked doors in fear, Jesus showed them his hands and his side. And the disciples were overjoyed.

The prophet Isaiah described Jesus as a man of sorrows, wounded for our transgressions. That Jesus chose to keep his scars when all else was enveloped in newness and shining life is something I, like Thomas, cannot overlook. When I envision the stripes of the resurrected Christ I am reminded that my sorrow is not meaningless, that my scars are not empty. But there is a God who knows our pain and hears our prayers, a God in whose image we are made and in whose resurrection we will follow.

Indeed, where, O death is thy sting?

Jill Carattini is senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.

two years and the sovereign will of God

2007-04-11T06:47:00.001-04:00

yesterday was two years since Dennis passed away.

passed away--what a strange term--it would be, of course, more accurate to say 'went to be with the Lord' 'passed on' or 'was released from this body.'

at any rate, it seems like six months. it seems like ten years. almost everyone i've talked to has said they would have guessed it to be one year. but that one year felt like ten years to me. i was so glad when i finally crawled out of that first year and once again could believe that life was good and life was worth living.

a while back i posted natalie grant's song, Held, the gist of which is that, while we may not be spared the trial, we will find that through the trial, God is holding us, even when we are unable to hold onto Him. that is so true.

i've been reading about and contemplating the sovereign will of God. sometimes, our lives make no sense. why would i lose two husbands to cancer? why would dan and rachel lose two dads? why would patrick and kevin lose their dad at such crucial times in their lives?

sometimes we can look back and actually understand what God was doing. other times, we just have to believe that, though His sovereign will may be hidden from us, God is in control of our lives. and that He is trustworthy. and that He loves us with a deep and unconditional love. and that He weeps/groans/gets angry along with us/for us when His beloved children experience the results of the Fall here on this planet.

so, yesterday, rachel, javier, kevin and i went to the grave and placed an easter lily--a symbol of new life and resurrection.

and, that is what makes all the difference. we know that this life is but a breath and, because of Jesus's death and resurrection, we have eternity awaiting us--where every longing of our soul will be satisfied when we see our Savior face to face.

favorite shots

2007-03-28T08:04:00.000-04:00

becca and brittani

2007-03-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

thank you picasa

2007-03-28T07:56:00.000-04:00

february in florida

2007-03-24T10:39:00.000-04:00

I've often said that my doctor should prescribe a week in Florida for me to help me through the dreaded NE Ohio winters, and my health insurance should cover the trip. Are you familiar with S.A.D.? So, in February, Daniel and Suzanne made it possible for Kevin and me to vacation with them in Sebring and Manasota Key. It did me a world of good.

God was so gracious to allow us to spend that time with Jaden & Company, with Suzanne's amazing parents, Jerry and Bobbie, and their friends Becca and Brittani. We had such a great mix of good company, relaxation, adventure and fun! I'm going to try to post some pictures, and I have to post a couple of Lon and Becca's condo. When I walked in, I cried because it was so beautiful, and I was allowed to be there.

Kevin got to ride with a stunt pilot! We got to kayak in Lemon Bay. Good fellowship, good food, good times!

reliving the passion - walter wangerin

2007-02-28T14:11:00.001-05:00

Years ago, I came across this wonderful book of meditations to use during the 40 Days of Lent. Just thought I'd share today's meditation, as it touched me.

Reliving the Passion by Walter Wangerin, Jr.

It was now two days before the Passover and the feast of Unleavened Bread. And the chief priests and the scribes were seeking how to arrest him by stealth, and kill him; for they said, "Not during the feast, lest there be a tumult of the people."

And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he sat at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. But there were some who said to themselves indignantly, "Why was the ointment thus wasted? For this ointment might have been sold for more than three hundred denarii, and given to the poor." And they reproached her. But Jesus said, "Let her alone; why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you will, you can do good to them; but you will not always have me. She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burying. And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is preached in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her." Mark 14:1-9

Woman!

What a blessed contrast you make to the rulers in Jerusalem! They would preserve their power; you come with no power at all. They vaunt themselves; you have—except for one remarkable characteristic—no self at all.

What is your name that I might address my praise to you? I don’t know. Were you someone’s mother? I don’t know. Were you old, bent by years of experience? Were you a prostitute? Or else praiseworthy for purity and virtue? Were you poor, the ointment an impossible expense for you? Or rich, with easy access to a hundred such flasks? I don’t know. Mark never says. I know nothing about you save this: that you anointed the head of my Lord.

Ah, but that’s enough to know! That deed alone is your identity, your entire being: your self. It memorializes you forever. “What she has done,” says Jesus, “will be told in memory of her.” Woman, now you are that deed, nothing more nor less than that deed. I marvel at you. I pray God that I might do—and therefore be—the same.

For what was your gesture? An act of pure love for Jesus particularly. It was an act so completely focused on the Christ that not a dram of worldly benefit was gained thereby. Nothing could justify this spillage of some three hundred days’ wages, except love alone. The rulers who sought to kill Jesus were motivated by a certain reasonable logic; but your prodigality appears altogether unreasonable—except for reasons of love. The disciples, in fact, were offended by an act that produced nothing, accomplished nothing, fed no poor, served no need. They reproached you as a wastrel.

They were offended by the absurd, an act devoted absolutely to love, to love alone.

But Jesus called it “beautiful.”

Who else anointed our High Priest, as priests should surely be anointed in office? Who else anointed our King, the son of David? Who else anointed the body of our Savior for burial? No one but you. I don’t know that you consciously recognized these offices of the Lord; but love instinctively sees the truth. Love enhances and names in truth. No one else anointed him and by that gesture declared him Messiah, the Christ. The act, therefore, was more than beautiful. It was rare and rich with meaning.

And since the act is all there is of you, since humility has reduced you to this single thing alone and now you are no more nor less than your love for the Lord, you yourself are beautiful and rare and rich with meaning.

You are the beauty of faithful loving.

To those who do not truly love, you will ever be ephemeral or else an offense, either a shadow or an idiot. To me you are a model. You gave up all, you became nothing at all save love for the Lord; and exactly so you are remembered. Here, “wherever the gospel is preached in the whole world,” is love’s monument.

You, nameless, anonymous, lovely indeed: thank you.

retreat

2006-09-23T23:10:00.001-04:00

the women of grace summit community church had a retreat this weekend...it was different...our speaker/facilitator was gail walls of linworth road community church in columbus...i liked her as soon as i met her. i think we all knew right away that Gail had come to minister grace.

we had a panel of women from different phases of life...

i introduced myself as a twice-widowed, single working and homeschooling mother of a teenage son; mother of a married college student; mother of a married son who is a pastor; mother of a daughter who lives with me along with her husband; and best of all grammy to jaden! but the widow thing was my "spot" on the panel.

and, i will confess here as i did at the retreat today, that with the loss of my husband, i have struggled with trusting God. i mean, it would be crazy for me to think that life will not hold more loss, more sorrow, more disappointment---it is life on this planet. God has been gracious in allowing me to grieve. He is big enough to understand (and do you think, maybe somehow He also grieves with us when the effect of the Fall causes us pain??)

so, gently the Lord has shown me recently, that I am JUST LIKE EVE. i've never thought of myself as prideful, but i think i've always wondered, why did eve do that? how could she not believe God. but here i am...not believing God. not believing, i mean really believing that He can be trusted with my life. not believing that He knows what is best. just like EVE. but you know what? i didn't feel condemned. i felt liberated when i was confronted with what I was doing and admitted it to the Lord. God is like that, you know. He says the truth will set you free AND that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

so, as jeff yackley says, we press on!!

family foto

2006-09-09T07:52:00.000-04:00

now that i know how to post a picture---this photo was a christmas gift from my kids last year---i have such a wonderful family and so much to be thankful for!

grammy's bragging rights

2006-09-04T09:31:00.001-04:00

Is this not one of the most beautiful children you've ever laid eyes on?? Thanks, Melissa, for posting this shot of Jaden!

Steve Brown - Key Life

2006-08-31T15:34:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I'm not taking the time or effort to post my own thoughts or ideas, but I just read Steve Brown's Newsletter (keylife.org) and I think it is very worth sharing this excerpt:

September 2006
...the key is in the tears!....As you know, I'm sort of political. Well, that may be an understatement. I'm really political. Okay?

The problem with being political is the problem of divided loyalties. It's this dual citizenship that can drive one nuts. I'm a citizen of the United States and I love my country. I'm also a citizen of the Kingdom and I love that country too.

For instance, how does one (like me) who rejoices in the death of someone like Abu Musah al-Zarqawi, the Al Qaeda leader who led the brutal insurgency in Iraq with bombings, kidnappings and beheadings, deal with the kingdom teaching of love and forgiveness? How do I deal with my anger about the abortion mills, the rise of pornography, and the silly, simplistic, cliché-ridden politics of the liberals without demeaning them and violating the clear teaching of the kingdom about valuing and respecting people?

(If you're a liberal, feel free to insert "conservative" in those places where I use "liberal.")

I'm torn between my love for (and particular views on) America and my love for and Jesus' views on the kingdom. Where does compassion for the homeless translate into "get a job, dummy?" Where does my belief in and my promotion of capitalism cross the place in which the clerk where I get my cleaning done has $50,000 in medical bills and no health insurance? Where do I draw the line between being an "in-your-face," angry patriot and being a weenie? How do I deal with my growing weariness of and anger with racial "victim-hood" and my awareness of real racism? What's the difference between creating (perhaps out of compassion) a permanent "underclass" in America and destroying the family fabric of society, and my call to love and to have compassion on the poor? How is one to love gays and lesbians without giving approval to a lifestyle that is clearly not approved by God?

It goes on and on; and, as you can imagine, I have particular views on all of those issues and a thousand like them. I'm not talking here about the particulars, but the attitude of a Christian (regardless of political persuasion) to the dual citizenship that we all have.

I think I've found the key. The key is in the tears.

Jesus never compromised; he clearly spoke hard truth and even rose up with righteous indignation at the con artists in the temple. You will note in the passage in Luke that I mentioned above, immediately after the weeping over Jerusalem, Jesus spoke hard truth about the destruction of Jerusalem and then went to the temple to kick posteriors.

It's the tears that make the difference.

Jesus spoke harsh truth--even harsher than anything we will ever speak. He granted grace to the most sinful and angry of sinners. He then gave himself in love and compassion in ways that we will never give ourselves. And all of that with tears.

When we speak truth without tears, it's just condemnation and judgment. When we grant grace and mercy without tears, it's just self-righteousness. When we give compassion without tears, it's just moralistic "do-goodism." The great danger for those of us who have dual citizenship in two kingdoms is to bring from one kingdom nothing but condemnation, self-righteousness and do-goodism. We owe our earthly kingdom more than that.

As you know, Tony Campolo and I are friends. Tony is liberal and I'm conservative. We agree on very little politically...but are in total agreement about Jesus and our love for each other.

You may have heard that Tony has affirmed gay marriage. In fact, that spurious bit of information was reported in The New York Times. (By the way, I've cancelled my subscription to The New York Times. Well...uh...I never had a subscription to that paper; but, if I did, I would cancel it.) Not only that. World magazine reported (later printing a retraction) that, because of his views, Tony received a standing ovation at a major gathering of gays and lesbians.

Let me tell you the rest of the story. First, Tony has always been opposed to homosexual marriage and has repeatedly made that clear. Secondly, while he did receive a standing ovation from the gay and lesbians, it wasn't for what you think.

In the speech Tony gave, he said quietly that he couldn't affirm the lifestyles of the very people to whom he spoke. (Not a smart move for a public speaker who doesn't want to get stoned.) Tony said that God said that it was wrong and, not only that, it was destructive.

That's when Tony began to weep.

And that's when he got the standing ovation.

The key is in the tears.

So I've asked God to give me tears before anything else.

I want to see things through the eyes of Jesus, to love the way he loved and to show compassion the way he showed compassion. I also want to be clear where he was clear and to never back off from the truth he has asked me to speak. I don't ever want to shilly-shally. But it's the attitude that is important...the sorrow seen in the tears.

And one other thing. Jesus wept for us from a position of purity, holiness and righteousness. Our tears can never be like that. We are too sinful, too confused and too needy ourselves. Our tears are for them...

...and for ourselves.

He asked me to remind you.

In His Grip,
Steve

Any comments?

frivolous nails

2006-07-20T14:36:00.000-04:00

my plan to get acrylic nails when my baby girl got married didn't happen, so i got them for Patrick's wedding..then looked for a cheap place to get them filled. i found a young nail tech named Stephan. recently divorced, he is trying to find peace within so that he can move on in life....we made a connection because he was listening to Jack Johnson and hah! this old lady knew who it was! and, we found that we both like to read....

Stephan reads a lot of philosophy, but also listens to Joel Osteen and Knute Larson and believes that you can find truth in everything....but I told him I believe there is a TRUE TRUTH in Christ....and i went back today and 'frivolously' got my nails re-filled and gave him a copy of Blue Like Jazz. i told Stephan that I don't feel that christians, for the most part, in this country represent Christ very well, and that Don Miller struggled with figuring out what christianity really is and has some good thoughts in the book. since he is a fan of J.D. Salinger, i let him know that Don Miller's writing style is similar and thought he would enjoy it....Stephan assured me he will read the book and wants me to come back in three weeks (whether I get my nails filled or not) and he'll return my book and let me know what he thought.

then he hugged me and thanked me....

i pray that stephan will find the peace he is looking for...i know that it is only found in Christ; and, i know that God will honor his searching.

miscellaneous

2006-07-08T07:49:00.001-04:00

i'm a terrible blogger....i find myself often checking out dan's, suz's, patrick's, jeff's, blogs and am disappointed when they haven't posted....so you'd think i'd post every now and then....

right now, i am reading Larry Crabb's "The Pressure's Off". besides the fact that i think he could have said what he has to say in 2-3 chapters and been done with it, i have found the book to be very challenging in my life. the gist of the book is that we, especially in the USofA, have lost sight of our first love....that we seek God's blessings rather than God. i'm grateful for the challenge, and thankful that He loves me anyway.

and, i just ordered used copies of Brennan Manning's "Ragamuffin Gospel" and "Posers, Fakers and Wannabes." Wow, I knew nothing about him, but just went to his website---very interesting. http://www.brennanmanning.com

so, tell me if you've read these books and what you thought!

almost a year

2006-03-31T22:22:00.000-05:00

April 10th will be a year since Dennis went to be with the Lord. I still can hardly believe it at times. I read a magazine article about an 80-something lady who lost her husband and wrote about it as she grieved, truly grieved, for the first time in her life---I think the book's title is "A Year of Magic"---not because it was a wonderful, magical year, but because she had experienced such weird emotions, like feeling that if she wished hard enough, her husband would come back, etc.

I told a friend who'd lost his wife some years ago about that and he encouraged me to read C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed." He said the book helped him to feel "normal."

It starts like this....

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.

There are moments, most unexpectedly, when something inside me tries to assure me that I don't really mind so much, not so very much, after all. Love is not the whole of a man's life. I was happy before I ever met H. I've plenty of what are called 'resources.' People get over these things. Come, I shan't do so badly. One is ashamed to listen to this voice but it seems for a little to be making out a good case. Then comes a sudden jab of red-hot memory and all this 'commonsense' vanishes like an ant in the mouth of a furnace."

Pastor Mike said the church would like to have a memorial service of sorts this spring. I am so pleased that the church wants to honor Dennis' memory. Karen Lile said she fears that people will forget about John or stop talking about him. And, I feel the same about Dennis. We talk about him at home all the time, and I think, maybe the church that he so loved might need a chance to talk about him, too, and perhaps the new folks at church need a chance to know Dennis as well. It might help them understand our church a little better.

Grateful for the steadfast love of the Lord!

my syndrome

2006-03-24T22:53:00.000-05:00

my friend darla calls it "approach avoidance anxiety" syndrome. do you ever put off calling a friend, paying the bills, having a conversation about a difficult subject, planning the homeschool year, blogging? most often, the things I avoid are uncomfortable things, but sometimes, it is putting off calling a good friend, and then I put it off so long that it makes it uncomfortable, so I put it off again. i'm so weird.

patrick says he thinks he inherited it from me. why can't we "just do it"??????????? sometimes i get so frustrated with myself.

christmas wars, american family association, what one guy suggests

2005-12-18T16:36:00.000-05:00

a lady in my hs group asked if anyone had any thoughts on "what the American Family Association is up to." i presume she is referring to the boycotts on stores that have banned the greeting, Merry Christmas, etc., and possibly the news that churches are criticizing churches for not having services on Christmas.

i understand wanting to protect the spirit of Christmas, and my pastor gave an excellent sermon on the topic this morning, but it feels almost like the commercialism of christmas is being elevated rather than the true spirit of Christmas. i began googling for information, and came across this republican, but not right-winger's comments, and thought there was some wisdom in them, though i certainly would not agree with everything this guy says, so thought i'd post them. i cut my teeth on James Dobson, and his teachings really helped me in childrearing, so please know i don't condemn him---but i don't agree with everything he does or says either.

http://www.metrobeat.net/gbase/Expedite/Content?oid=oid%3A3654
GATHER ROUND: 10 WAYS YOU CAN WIN
Conspicuous consumption has become an American holiday tradition. Maybe religious leaders would be naïve to ask their followers to withdraw completely from the competitive games we call the Christmas - or holiday - season. But couldn’t they do better than stir up a catfight? Fortunately, I have ten surefire ways you can claim some spiritual victories even as you shop ‘til you drop:

Be patient with seasonal clerks who are slow on the register. Just smile. No fidgeting, eye-rolling, toe-tapping, watch-checking or exasperated sighing allowed.

Overtip wait staff. In fact, be totally unreasonable about it. Leave a 100% tip for kicks. Look for tip jars like they’re a $10 item in the $1 sale bin.

Smile at everyone and - as Louis Armstrong said - ask the ones you speak with “How do you do?” in a way that really means “I love you.”

Tell yourself and the world you’re alive and well: park well away from the store so someone less agile might have a better parking spot. You’ll save time and avoid stress.

Holiday toys and goodies should go to kids, not adults. (The food’s another story.) Spend at least half of your gift-giving budget on children. (If you don’t have kids or don’t want to spoil yours too much, no problem: there’s Toys for Tots/Teens and the Children’s and Shriner’s Hospitals.)

For people you don’t know what to get and those adults who are mature enough not to feel slighted if your “good will” towards them isn’t boxed under a lighted tree, try buying them pigs and water buffaloes from the gift catalog at www.heifer.org.

See how many of the presents you receive you can return or donate in order to convert things you merely want into things someone else needs.

Trade in a couple hours of mall madness to lounge in a comfortable chair watching the DVD of your choice, preferably while donating blood platelets that will give a little girl with leukemia the power she needs to recover from her radiation and chemotherapy. Totally painless, totally relaxing. (Call Sonja at the Blood Connection: 255-5000.)

Do your shopping with the people you most want to be with. Long lines and traffic jams become “quality time” when you’re with people you love to be around. Seize those opportunities instead of whining about them.

If saying the words “Merry Christmas” to someone might make them smile, say it with a smile. By the same token, if someone might prefer a different greeting, jump at the chance to greet them that way. You’re saying it for them, not for you and certainly not for James Dobson and friends. Don’t make “Merry Christmas” (or your preferred greeting) become part of a verbal Kung Fu fight you wage against the world.

don miller and john lile

2005-12-07T23:04:00.001-05:00

our dear friend, John Lile passed away yesterday. He, Dennis, and Steve Crass, and families started a church together about ten years ago. John was diagnosed with colon cancer a couple of months before Dennis was diagnosed. now, I can only imagine that they are rejoicing to be together again. these two invested much time, energy, study and prayer to figure out what they believed. finally, their theology is all correct:)

more on Don Miller----i loaned my Blue Like Jazz book to Judy, whose sister-in-law, visiting from Nashville, snatched it up and read it. she called her kids back home to tell them how wonderful it was, and found that they had already read it. being from nashville, they told her that in the works is a deal to make Blue Like Jazz into a movie. now, of course, the sister-in-law said that many things are in the works in nashville that never happen, but that could be a very interesting movie, don't you think? it might seem a bit uncohesive, but it would be interesting!

my buddy Don Miller

2005-11-30T06:29:00.000-05:00

a slight diversion here....

my friend's daughter had the opportunity to meet Donald Miller recently. (I'm not sure how it happened, but Lydia is working on her PhD in writing at Baylor, so it may have had something to do with that)...any way, i guess Lydia told Don that her mom and I had read Blue Like Jazz and recommended it to her....long story short....Don sent me his condolences for Dennis' passing. i'm not sure that makes me a celebrity, but how thoughtful.

homeschool moms

2005-11-26T10:33:00.001-05:00

i belong to a diverse homeschool group consisting of about 70 families, maybe a quarter of which are christians. others i have met are christian science, mormon, buddist, muslim, atheist, agnostic, etc. some have money galore, some are dirt poor. some have traditional families, several are single moms. some are republicans, some are democrats, some are libertarian. most are very opinionated about homeschooling, politics and religion and every other topic that arises-----(typically, one doesn't become a homeschooler by being compliant and willing to follow the crowd and the status quo).

we communicate largely through a yahoogroup, which has proved to be quite enlightening.
when i "accidentally" got connected with this group a few years ago, i felt that i should keep my mouth shut and listen so that i could understand why some of the moms in this group have such bad opinions about christians. it's not that i didn't reveal that i am a christian....i just didn't want to throw out cliches and pat answers and hit them over the head with the Bible. i wanted to really understand how they view "us."

interestingly, during this time dan and suz also introduced me to Donald Miller's books, which have gone hand in hand with this new way of looking at my christian witness (as opposed to my christian culture bubble).

i'll post more later!

out of the fog and a good God

2005-11-20T19:44:00.000-05:00

if you're not yet weary of reading about my journey.....read on.....

a month or so ago my doctor asked how i'm doing spiritually. i broke down and cried, telling him that i was not doing nearly as well as i'd like to be. that i'd like to be able to smile, and when people ask me how i'm doing, reply, "great! God is helping me through this and isn't He wonderful." but the truth was that often i felt quite alone, lost and sad. doctor Gsellman gently replied, "that may be your calling farther down the road, but you are in the midst of the difficulty right now. give yourself time to grieve and to heal." and then he asked if i would like for him to pray for me. this is one thing i think is so wonderful about God.....through no effort of my own, as my doctor quietly held my hands and prayed a simple little prayer for me, i felt hope rise up in me. and, i know that God did something inside me that day.

the following weekend at our women's retreat, Tammy Smith reminded us that we are in a war and that satan wants God's glory and will take us out to get it. and i was encouraged to press on in the battle.

i watched a movie with rachel last night and was reminded once again that when i stand back and take a good look, i can see that, like a father who will help his child he loves through any difficulty even if he can't take away the trial, God has been and is helping me through this time.

so.....not that i think this is over, but i think my next post will be about my homeschool group. seems like there is always something interesting happening with that bunch of moms!

what to say, what not to say

2005-10-09T09:27:00.000-04:00

i'm sometimes astounded by the things people say to someone who's lost a loved one. i've heard some lovely words, and some unbelievably thoughtless words, though I am sure well intended, and my co-worker, who lost a son has heard some of these. maybe, if you've never really thought about it, this will help:)

what to say:
you're not alone in missing him.
it brought tears to my eyes when i drove by and saw his work van sitting in the driveway.
this guy was so calm and re-assuring when he spoke--he reminded me of Dennis.
i wish i could ask him about this problem i'm having.
i remember when i was struggling with this or that, and he helped me so much.
remember when he said this or that?
if i had a question about the Bible, he always knew the answer.
i miss his quirks.
it's okay to cry.
i so look forward to the day when satan is destroyed and cancer is no more.
your world has been turned upside down. it takes time.
i'm so thankful we'll see him again one day.

what not to say:
i'm sorry. but you know what they say, third time's a charm. (yes. someone said that to me)
i'm sorry. may your third husband never get cancer. (yes. someone said that to me)
you're attractive. you'll get married again. (yep).
you just need to get right with God and move on. (to my friend, who's not a christian).
my loss was greater than your loss. (uh, huh---said in a roundabout way).

i have to say, some of these were so absurd, they made me laugh.

i know it's difficult to know what to say. basically, we can't go wrong if we just say, "i'm sorry."

1.2.3.

2005-08-20T08:24:00.000-04:00

1. our dear friends are letting us use their cottage on lake erie for the week. i so look forward to having my morning tea on the enclosed front porch, watching the sun rise over the lake, then walking down the bank to the beach to watch the sunsets. mostly, i love it that my kids will all be there at various times--kevin, patrick and ashlee all week, dan, suz, jaden, rachel and jav later in the week. it was so sweet of the Lord and our friends to make this a possibility for us.

2. tonight, my sweet niece, callico and another friend from our homeschool group have put together a fundraiser for our family, to help with some long-term needs. Mama Guzzardi's is donating rigatoni, a bunch of my homeschool ladies are donating baked goods, local businesses donated items for auction, my nephew-in-law's band, Velcro Jones, is playing. i am touched beyond words.

it's not easy to be on the receiving end of all of this benevolence. i understand, 'it's more blessed to give than to receive'---we have to swallow our pride when we are the receivers, and that is never easy for us mortals. and, compared to most of the world, we are so well off---that thought makes it doubly hard.

3. how can daniel be turning 27, when I'm only 29?

29?

2005-08-09T19:51:00.000-04:00

in my head, i think i'm 29. despite the fact that i can't believe i'm this old, what a nice birthday--i had calls and visits, cards, etc., from friends, old and new. i feel very spoiled and pampered and loved. God has blessed me with wonderful kids, and faithful and loving family and friends. way more than i deserve.

boys--you've gotta love 'em

2005-07-28T21:57:00.000-04:00

i am living in a house with two males, 19 and 14 years, who don't talk. they returned from this awesome, life-changing, once-in-a-lifetime high school leadership training in myrtle beach. how was it? "great!" they said. what did you like most about it? "umm, i don't know, umm the worship." what did you do? "you know, evangelism and stuff." was there a theme? "they don't really do themes any more." did everyone get along? "yeah." how was the bus trip? "good."

so, i go to Katie's blog: http://ktyack.blogspot.com ....that's where I find out how hslt was. i miss having Rachel at home. i love when Suzanne and Ashlee come to visit!

held

2005-07-17T21:35:00.000-04:00

by Christa Wells/Natalie Grant
shared by Rachel....

two months is too little
they let him go
they had no sudden healing
to think that Providence
would take a child from his mother
while she prays, is apalling

who told us we'd be rescued
what has changed and
why should we be saved from nightmares
we're asking why this happens to us
who have died to live, it's unfair

this is what it means to be held
how it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive
this is what it is to be loved and to know
that the promise was when everything fell
we'd be held

this hand is bitterness
we want to taste it and
let the hatred numb our sorrows
the wise hand opens slowly
to lilies of the valley and tomorrow

this is what it means to be held
how it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive
this is what it is to be loved and to know
that the promise was when everything fell
we'd be held

if hope is born of suffering
if this is only the beginning
can we not wait, for one hour
watching for our savior

this is what it means to be held
how it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive
this is what it is to be loved and to know
that the promise was when everything fell
we'd be held

a lovely day

2005-07-16T21:56:00.000-04:00

we sent Patrick and Kevin off with prayer to High School Leadership Training last evening. i drove home geared up to get my house in order (literally). but i drove through a torrential downpour to get here and found my empty little house with no power. so i sat in the candle-illumined house and wondered what to do with myself. i opened the fridge (oops, a no-no when the power is out) and got a spoonful of chocolate frosting. that made me feel just a tiny bit better. then i called Daniel. i called Lisa. i called Gary. okay, it is ten p.m. guess i can go to bed.

when i awoke sometime in the middle of the night, my closet light was on and my digital clock was blinking. after doing a few chores, i went to the first annual city of green art-a-palooza with Melissa. it was SO nice. i picked up some neat, artsy little christmas gifts for some of you lucky people:) Melissa and I drove to strickland's and had ice cream and some good conversation. i went home and took a nap:)

then Rachel and I went back to the art-a-palooza to watch Callico's girls and Kevin's friend Olivia dance. the dance was rained out, but we stayed long enough for Rachel to find the perfect one-of-a-kind necklace she needed for a new outfit---and the pair of earrings Melissa and I had admired earlier that I decided to buy. now, it wasn't impulse buying. remember, i went home, took a nap (slept on it), got Rachel's opinion and then bought. so, why am I feeling guilty?

anyway, i spent a lovely day with two of my sweetest girls. i have only six more days to fill before the boys come back.....not that i miss them or anything.

good grief

2005-07-11T16:00:00.000-04:00

i never wanted my blog to be an exposition on grief....i intended to write about my experiences with a very diverse homeschool group.

but, i have read quite a bit on the topic as of late and thought i'd share/paraphrase some of the ideas i've come across. one is that grieving, simply put, is coming to grips with an irreversible change that has come into one's life. Dennis used to always say when we were challenged with a change in our lives, that "Linda will be fine, once she adjusts to the change." and, i suppose he was and is right. my humanness really does not like change; but, i've always found that the Lord sees me through the changes.

another Henri Nouwen idea is that, death, loss, pain, suffering, etc., can be looked at as a way of realizing in a new, fresh way, that there is Another walking alongside us. that the love once given to us by the person we lost, was really a form of God's love, and His love is still there for us and with us and will now be manifest to us in a different form or shape.

there are so many questions one can raise----at my friend's mother's funeral yesterday, an elderly mennonite gentleman said to me, "why is it that Diane passed away peacefully in her sleep, never having been ill, but Dennis had to go through months of suffering?" i suppose we could contrive several possible answers to that question, but the truth is, we don't know. i do know that God gave Dennis tons of grace in the midst of it.

so, bear with me as i look for and sometimes grope for the good in this grieving process.

great quote

2005-07-02T11:05:00.000-04:00

from Mornings with Henri J.M. Nouwen:

"Joy and sadness are as close to each other as the splendid colored leaves of a New England fall to the soberness of the barren trees. When you touch the hand of a returning friend, you already know that he will have to leave you again....This intimate experience in which every bit of life is touched by a bit of death can point us beyond the limits of our existence. It can do so by making us look forward in expectation to the day when our hearts will be filled with perfect joy, a joy that no one shall take away from us."

a child's thoughts about heaven

2005-06-23T13:11:00.000-04:00

my friend Judy teaches a sixth grade girls sunday school class. they have been discussing heaven, and one of the 11-year old girls said, "if everything is perfect in heaven, i think it will boring. i think life is more interesting when things can go wrong."

this little girl has a point. how would you respond if you were her teacher?

i've always thought that streets of gold was something i'd have to put up with in heaven. i'm not into golden streets. i like winding paths through woods and meadows.

i do know it will be wonderful....like everyone else, though, i have a hard time picturing it.

I Still Believe

2005-06-22T15:00:00.001-04:00

Since April 10 when Dennis passed on, I have been unsure about how honest, how vulnerable to be in my blogging. As a christian, I know I must be careful about the words I speak--I have a responsibility to build you up. But, if you've ever lost someone you love, someone with whom you've truly become one, you must know that there is immense pain involved in that separation. I have had days when I wasn't so sure i was going to make it; and yet, I knew that God, in His mercy and grace, would not let me be destroyed.

Losing a loved one is something we get through, but we never get over. I believe that we were created to live forever, and that only because of the fallen nature of this world, do we have to experience death and separation. God never intended it to be this way, and that is why it hurts so much. Our lives will never be the same without Dennis. He made such a difference in my life, and in the lives of all with whom he got involved. He was unique...He was Dennis.

So, to some degree, I'm back. I won't promise I'll feel like blogging tomorrow or the next day, but for today, I'm here.

Tough Week

2005-03-05T17:20:00.001-05:00

In the midst of this hellish week, God has shown himself faithful through so many people. My children came and were such a comfort, even as they were in need of comfort themselves. Friends and people we don't even know gave us so much help, prayer, and beeps of encouragement, (Dennis was given a pager and people were encouraged to call each time they prayed and let it beep so we would know they were praying.) The nurses were full of compassion.

It was terrifying watching Dennis struggle and not be able to answer the simplest questions. He couldn't even recall my name. It was a week of tremendous pain and suffering, and not knowing if things would get better. For now, things are a bit better. When Dennis is back on his feet, we will have to grapple with the issue of what to do next. ~Please pray.~

I'm so thankful for being one of the Body of Christ. I don't know how people get through things like this without God and the church. I'm thankful that when we are overwhelmed and exhausted, I know there are dozens, maybe hundreds of people holding us up. When we are discouraged, and don't know how to pray, people are still holding us up.

A Detour

2005-02-23T10:32:00.001-05:00

....Here i am a few months later....Since my last post, my husband has been found to have cancer and it has been a long, rough road so far. Obviously, I have little time to post, but wanted to touch base with my reader(s)---I think I've had two:)

I know a couple of things. I hate cancer. And, I know that God and our family and friends are with us, so we will make it; but it is still very difficult. If you read this and you are a praying person, please pray for my husband. Thanks.

Homeschooling in the Real World

2004-10-13T23:47:00.003-04:00

Three years ago, I was a typical Christian homeschooling mom. I had three kids pretty much through to high school and beyond and one more to go. Well, I met a homeschooling mom at the pool who invited me to a homeschooling event at her church. Since my son was sort of an only child now, he needed social interaction, so we went.

I will never forget that day, just after 9/11/2001! The first mom I met told me all about her decision to unschool her children. I sat at a table and learned that another mom (a former public school teacher) had taken a job at her brother's bar so she could be home to spend time with and teach her daughters. Next came a dear, sweet Mormon girl, mother of five (young enough to be my daughter!). Then, a Muslim mom arrived wearing a sweatshirt with an American flag on it, and a hat over her hijab for safety. So, i said, hmmmm. This is not what I expected.

My son LOVED the event and wanted to go back every week...to be continued.....

What am i doing here?

2004-10-08T20:50:00.001-04:00

My son tells me i should have a blog...so i'm going to give it a try. I have had some interesting experiences lately...but you'll have to wait until i have more time to tell about them.